Woman Demands Cousin Hand Over Secret Dessert Recipe to Use in New Restaurant Business, Cousin Refuses But Family Rallies Against Her: 'You're gatekeeping creativity'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Dec 11, 2024 3:00 PM EST

Welcome, tea-sippin' sisters. Those of us who enjoy cooking and baking know that coming up with your own recipes takes a lot of trial and error. You feel like a little witch or wizard, trying different ingredients and ratios until you finally unlock the perfect potion that has everyone at the dinner table totally enchanted. It feels wrong to simply give away the secret recipe that had your family members agreeing about something for once during Thanksgiving. Maybe it's selfish, but that kind of power should not be revealed haphazardly — especially not to family members who plan to monetize your hard work by putting it on their restaurant's menu with zero credit to your creativity.

In our story today, an aspiring baker is accused of hoarding her unique dessert recipe when she refuses to share it with her cousin. Her cousin had no intention to make it for a dinner party; she wanted to put the dessert on the menu of her new restaurant business. No payment for the intellectual property, no royalties, no nothing. Get all the details down below.

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  • 01
    - "I was flattered at first, but then I told her I wasn't comfortable sharing it because it's really personal to me — it's my "thing," you know? Jess didn't take it well. She said was being selfish and that it's not like I'm starting a business or anything, so why would I hoard the recipe?"
    via Elisabeth Coelfen
  • 02
    r/AmltheAs h le u/Designere-juice • 8h AITA for refusing to share my "special" recipe with my cousin who wants to use it for her business?
    via u/Designere-juice
  • 03
    So here's the deal. I (18F) have this amazing dessert recipe that I came up with after months of experimenting in the kitchen. It's a unique twist on a classic treat, and everyone who tries it says it's incredible. My family always asks me to make it for gatherings, and honestly, I take a lot of pride in how much people love it.
    via u/Designere-juice
  • 04
    Recently, my cousin "Jess" (24F) started a small baking business from home. She's been doing pretty well, and I'm happy for her! Last week, at a family dinner, Jess pulled me aside and asked if I'd. give her my dessert recipe so she could add it to her menu.
    via u/Designere-juice
  • 05
    I was flattered at first, but then I told her I wasn't comfortable sharing it because it's really personal to me-it's my "thing," you know? Jess didn't take that well. She said I was being selfish and that it's not like I'm starting a business or anything, so why would I hoard the recipe?
    via u/Designere-juice
  • 06
    She even got my aunt (her mom) involved, who called me later and said I should "support family" and not be so "stingy." I explained that I wasn't trying to be mean, but I worked really hard to create that recipe, and it's something I'm proud of.
    via u/Designere-juice
  • 07
    Now half my family is calling me petty, and the other half is staying out of it. Jess posted a vague rant on Facebook about people "gatekeeping creativity" and how it's "impossible to get ahead with unsupportive people." My mom says I should just give her the recipe to keep the peace, but I don't think I'm in the wrong here. So, AITA? 6,814 1,712 2 R
    via u/Designere-juice
  • 08
    Sambamthankyousam2 • 7h NTA if this were tech, or music, or a different industry, no one would expect you to give up your successful creation for someone else's profit. You developed this, this has gotten you success and praise and a sense of accomplishment within the family. If she takes this and makes it part of her business, will she start showing up with the treats and taking credit? It just sounds like she is fine with to get her small business off the ground. you over Reply 8 12.9k
    via u/Sambamthankyousam2
  • 09
    awgeezwhatnow • 7h Op could say "Sure. For 50% of the profit." 4.3k
    via u/awgeezwhatnow
  • 10
    Baited Breaths • 7h Yes, the recipe is OP's intellectual property. And "gatekeeping creativity?" OP's not attempting to prevent her cousin from being creative--she can be as inventive and creative as she likes! She just can't purloin OP's creation and present it as her own. ← 751
    via u/BaitedBreaths
  • 11
    ironiccinori 6h Yeah, if anything OP is fostering creativity. Giving her the recipe would actually be harming creativity and stopping innovation. OP, just tell her you have plans to open a business in the future with that recipe after you've come up with a couple more bangers. 202
    via u/ironiccinori
  • 12
    Gloomy_Photograph285 • 6h That's what I thought as well. People don't know what these phrases actually mean. She's not preventing her from being creative or blocking access to ingredients and equipment. Literally, nothing is stopping cousin from creating her own twist on a classic recipe. When in doubt, I add booze. Tiramisu is great if you use booze to dissolve the espresso powder instead of water and booze just FYI. ← 74
    via u/Gloomy_Photograph285
  • 13
    Ok-Pomegranate-3018 • 7h Even in fine dining! Chef's work a long time to perfect their recipes, the recipe book remains with them! NTA 105
    via u/Ok-Pomegranate-3018
  • 14
    ivylass • 6h Colo-rectal Surgeon [44] Your cousin can take the classic recipe and play around with it until she creates a masterpiece. You did the work. She doesn't get to stand on your shoulders. NTA. 70
    via u/ivylass
  • 15
    darforce • 6h My aunt has an Italian bakery. She license out their 110 year old recipes. It is not cheap. Like thousands of dollars and royalties. Absolutely not without some decent business agreement. Let her help YOU out and make you partner or whatever else works for you 196
    via u/darforce
  • 16
    jazusa • 6h Exactly. She's so bent out of shape about not getting this recipe that I'm wondering if she's using others' recipes without permission instead of her own for the goods she's already selling. OP is definitely NTA. 1148
    via u/Djazusa
  • 17
    Competitive_Cod_3843. 8h Surgeon [38] In the olden days, people would have shared recipes when asked, but critically made some change to the recipe for the recipient. An ingredient left out, a different amount on something that makes a difference... Hoarding recipes is a time-honored tradition and you are under no obligation to share.
    via u/Competitive_Cod_3843
  • 18
    I also have recipes that I don't share. Sometimes people ask and the closest I get is making some vague speculation about sharing it in the future. Your recipes are your recipes. NTA ← Reply 3 4k ↓
    via u/Competitive_Cod_3843
  • 19
    Ο Weekly Serve1237 .7h My grandma did this on all her recipe cards. She had me stand at her hip while she made each of her special family dishes, giggling and winking at me when she went "off script". When she passed, my SIL thought she scored when she got her grubby mitts on the recipe box, but nothing turned out right. So I asked for the box, made the stuff like grandma did, and "proved" there was nothing wrong with the recipes as written. So her smug ass was branded with the Terrible Cook tit
    via u/Weekly_Serve1237
  • 20
    Slow_Sherbert_5181.6h My grandma had a dessert that she made for big family dinners that she flat out refused to share the recipe for. It was her dessert and she wasn't going have someone else volunteer to make it! She finally did share it about a year before she passed, but that was on a strict understanding that we weren't to make it for family members until after she was gone! 164
    via u/Slow_Sherbert_5181
  • 21
    WhoSc3w3dDaP00ch 7h Mrs and I grew up down the street from one another. Growing up after school, we and our siblings were at each other's houses, doing homework and learning how to cook. My-now-MIL and I cook by taste. I was able to figure out the recipes by the time I was a teenager.
    via u/WhoSc3w3dDaP00ch
  • 22
    MIL was very relieved when Mrs and I started seriously dating, she was afraid she'd have to take drastic measures to keep the family recipes secret. (I am relieved she never took drastic measures). ... ← 198
    via u/WhoSc3w3dDaP00ch
  • 23
    magiemaddi 7h Part ipant [1] Ask for royalties. Have it named after you. Cash for the recipe too. She's making money off it, then you should too If she says you're greedy, well, tell her to look in the mirror because she's basically trying to steal your recipe if you get no benefit out of it, then she is literally being the greedy one, making profit off YOUR hard work
    via u/magiemaddi
  • 24
    But seriously, it might be a good investment for you if you have the right contract with her, good passive income if she gives you a cut of sales NTA Reply D 580
    via u/magiemaddi
  • 25
    Deckard 916 • 8h Ahle Enthusiast [8] her own NTA - she can spend months experimenting to find dessert recipe. You aren't obligated to share it with anyone if you don't want to. If you did give it to her would you be getting any sort of compensation since she would be selling it at her business.? Reply 601
    via u/Deckard916

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